Where is Ryan?

Work of Fiction

The blissfulness of love, the tyranny of lost hope, I had seemed to savor them both. I was with her, but she wasn’t with me. She was still lost in love, but not with me. It had been over a month since our marriage but every time I tried to speak, she always ended up reminiscing Ryan’s name.  But whenever I tried asking, who is Ryan and where is he? She would silently move away and sit by the window, weeping. I wasn’t able to handle this, this was the very woman I fell in love with, on the very first sight. But even after we were married, she had failed to notice the love in my eyes which I so wanted to show her. The hope had started to wither away, and the whereabouts of Ryan were only getting mysterious.

I made an anxious call to my in-laws about who Ryan was, where I could meet him. But I was usually met by a coherent no; it was like people genuinely didn’t knew who he was. Even her friends failed to recollect someone with that name being close to Sarah, my beautiful Sarah. I had promised her to make her meet Ryan, and it’s been over six days and I am still stuck with only his name. The only thing which Sarah had told me was that Ryan worked in a grocery shop, near her place. When I inquired there, no person by that name existed. Was my wife tricked by someone, who even concealed his name by a fake one? I didn’t know where to find answers to my questions. Until that day, when I actually found where he was.

It was a rainy night; I was waiting for my bus at the village depot, and was trying to light a smoke to beat the ache in my head. When a man in white made his way towards me, in midst of the smoke and the rain, and introduced himself as Ryan. I was shocked, how did this happen? I thought now Sarah was mine, I was about to go back and give her the news that Ryan didn’t exist; and tell her that it was only in her head. I was happy until I met him, now I felt like someone was screeching the last etch of my life away from me. I didn’t want to lose her, I really didn’t want to. But I had promised her, now I needed to keep that up. I knew I loved her way more, that I could even sacrifice my happiness for her. It was happening now; tears were hidden by the droplets of rain while the pain found solace by the thunder in the sky.

Next day, when I told her the news, she was devastated. She didn’t speak to anyone for over a week, but she couldn’t stay in that condition forever; she had to make a comeback. I loved her like no other; I seriously did which she eventually realised. But the guilt of that day is still a lot fresh, but seeing her smile makes me forget the horror I committed.

I still remember the expression on her face, when I lied to her that Ryan was married and is now living happily living in some other town. While the one which hurts me the most was the lie which I told him, Ryan, that Sarah had forgotten about him and is happily in love with me. He was broken; it was like he had no other thing to live for. The bus had arrived that day, but when I took my seat, I could still see him in the bus depot, on his knees, unable to understand the tyranny of lost hope. I tried seeing the other way, but the conflict in my heart couldn’t be resolved. I had committed the gravest crime and I had no idea how to correct it. The only thing which allowed me to breathe was in hope for the blissfulness of love which I had selfishly pulled away from the other. I didnt deserve it, but I wasn’t going to let it go.

May be I am too selfish to live, but I always thought she would be far happier with me than anyone else. May be even this is a manipulation for my own selfish happiness, but that’s the way it is, that’s the way it will be.

The End


We all know how much a person can sacrifice when he/she is in love, but what about the selfishness which the love could drive once he/she is in the very same love. A hard experiment through a lens which I would be really scared to put on, but we can only judge a coin, after we had looked into both the sides. So this is an humble experiment with a different perspective.

Thank you.

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2 thoughts on “Where is Ryan?”

  1. This was great! And absolutely true. They say love is not selfish, but it is. Letting the person you love go is hard and we do everything we can to stop them.

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