The One before the last


Title: 21 year old Ryan’s Mysteries of life

Do I believe in miracles? May be I don’t, but maybe I would someday. I get these thoughts where I start seeing these special happenings in a much broader way as I flow through these new experiences in life.

When I look back in time, there was a point when I thought miracle was something which only God could perform. Later, I started to associate them with my family, friends and also the good things which kept happening all around me. And now, where the rationalist phase has been kicking in harder and harder day by day, I find myself looking at every possible observation to find that miracle in life, but I still remain confused.

I keep wondering by posting these simple yet unsolvable questions, which have got associated with joy and happiness. What are these two to me? Who do I associate them with? I have no idea, but the only thing which keeps me pushing is the happiness to wander. The happiness to move restlessly to find that miracle in life which would bring me closer to what actually joy is for me; this is something which I look forward in life…May be someday I would witness my miracle, till then let me keep my wings loose, let me be everywhere, let me be the wanderer that I so desire.

I closed this commentary in a neat yellow coloured envelope with golden bordering which had speckles of shiny dust sticking to it. It might have got stuck on to it when I placed it on my dusty table; I should have been more careful, thinking to myself. I did have a name to address this envelope which I had carefully written beforehand, “My Dear Tia”.

After finishing the work, I took the envelope back to the shelf where there were many more like them, each with a different bordering but the colour yellow always remained. That’s the colour my daughter likes, so it was a simple choice for the letter as it is addressed to her.

Every envelope has a story which had mesmerized and had kept me thinking when I was her age, maybe I just wanted to pass it on to her, maybe I wanted her to understand me better. Now as she is going away to a different place for the very first time, I thought the time was ripe to hand them over to her but I had one last letter to write.

I know the distance would be painful but I also know that it is for her own well, atleast that’s what I keep saying to myself; education is far more important than the many miles we would be kept apart. May be on those days when she misses me the most or is stuck with a dilemma which she is hesitant to share, she might just pick one of the letters and read. And hopefully she might find an answer in the questions that kept me wondering or may be add another question to it. But in anyway, she won’t feel alone as she would always find me in these thoughts, and sometimes even make her realize that her dad went through similar stuff and it is nothing to be afraid of.

Now as I try to arrange these letters in order, a tiny tickle of tear falls on to the name in one of them. I tried brushing it off but the impression was already made. I knew she would notice it, but I couldn’t help it, she was going away and I was getting worried about how she would cope up with the world ahead. But I did know deep down, that she will, she is my girl, she is born to succeed and I knew I would always be there to make sure that it happens.

Note: Coming back to the miracle which I was talking about, I did find it and it’s the very person who I am writing these letters for, my little angel Tia.