31st December 2014
There used to be times when I kept rethinking about the inevitable, the times where I could have found you all over again. The time which was lost had kept me occupied in the present, the shadow of the past kept closing over my future, I thought I was lost, may be I thought that was it.
Glancing over this note which I had written over an year ago gets a strange smile on my face. I feel sorry for myself that I wasn’t able to understand what true love really was, but all elated because I do now. It’s very simple, it’s this sheer simplicity which makes it look complex to many. Time again there will be instances where you might feel that without the other person on your side there is very less chance of us leading a happy life. But soon we move ahead leaving the philosophy as we sometimes believe that there are things which are written in fate and are bound to happen. If they don’t then we curse our fate, live our life in misery and slowly but finally move forward. That’s what happened to me in this one year, may be its the same with the others too.
You might be wondering that why didn’t I explain what love is instead of bantering over its logic. I am sorry but for that you would have to listen to my story. It’s easier explaining through a story than just defining it. May be my story needs to be told.
26th January 2015
Amid the dimply lit morning which was decorated by the extraordinary performance of the republic day parade, I stood my ground glancing at her near the India gate, the very eyes which met mine a few seconds later. We both were lost with no communication in hand, we had searched frantically for our friends in our individual ways but later had to settle at the PR Desk for the time being.
Me: Hey you seem lost too!
Her: I am.
Me: Me too.
She looks pissed,don’t disturb her I thought to myself.
Her: Do you know when will the metro station reopen?
Me: I heard the security say that they may open in another hour or so.
She: We really are stuck.
Me: I know. I am Ryan; At Least we can introduce ourselves, right?
She: Why not, I am Tara. I am doing my masters in journalism in Lady Irwin.
Me: Hot shot journalist then!
She: Not yet, there is time for that.
Me: I am an engineer graduate, trying my luck at the civil services. I so badly want to join the service.
She: That’s nice, for the country then.
She: I think we do have something in common.
Me: That explains our early morning fight with the cold to watch the parade, we surely miss our passes.
She: We surely do.
As the talk slowly gave away for silence, I fought back.
Me: I write a bit here and there, want to listen.
She: What do you write about?
Me: Mostly romance and sometimes poetry.
She: So cliched! ~ with a playful smile.
Me: So you want to listen or not?
She: Angry young man cool down. I would love to listen.
Me: This one was the last poem I had written, it was about an Air Hostess.
She: That sounds interesting.
I narrated her one over the other and I could see her smile grow bigger with every piece. The time began to while away and it was time for us to make a move.
Me: So that’s it, I believe. I hope you had a good time.
She: I think a bit more than that. Thanks Ryan, hope we can meet again.
Me: Hope we share our contacts and make your hope real.
She: Cliched again. But I would love to hear from you again, here is my contact.
Me: Ay Ay captain.
I walked her till the metro station where her anxious friends were waiting for her, we bid each other goodbye with a gentle smile and with a hope to meet soon.
That night when I was about to message Tara, I had an unexpected call. As people say that we could never outrun our past, it proved very true in my case.
To be continued in the next part.
Photo Courtesy: Bobby Roy on Pininterest.
The clouds started to mesh around one another for creating those beautiful white pillows in the sky while the sun made his appearance felt by glorifying the boundaries of the cloud. As I lay down on the grass, I felt the cool morning breeze passing through my ears whereas my closed eyes saw those flying strings moving haphazardly on an orange background. All this while, my mind was teleporting me in to various instances, ones which have occurred in the past & also the ones which I expected to happen in the future. I kept replaying those scenes so that I could keep reminding myself of the mistakes I have committed. Those scars of the past & the fear of the future that had made my head a lot heavy which in turn kept squeaking for mercy. But I was indifferent, as I thought if I could sustain the pain then I could solve the problems. However I didn’t know then, that for solving a problem you need a clear mind & for that I needed to accept my mistakes and move on.
I was longing for those white pillows where I could rest my head & feel no worry. I wanted the breeze to be so swift that it could carry my memories with it, & save me from this recurring pain. I had given up hope just like those flying strings which ran in all directions but could never reach home. I had zeroed on this day to decide whether I have the will left to live more or should I fly high to that beautiful heaven up above those glowing clouds. I had almost given up on life, I knew the will was dead long ago but I just wasn’t ready to give up, it was very scary to even think of that. But the mental scars were one too many to handle, they kept bleeding the past in front of my closed eyes till I lost my energy to sustain. But I still wasn’t ready to give up; it was still very scary, so I got up & made my way back home.
I knew what would happen when I reach home; I would have to answer a lot of questions & I didn’t know whether they would understand even if I try to answer. All sorts of things started to go around in my head; what was I going to answer about the letter I had left behind? Will they love me as they used to? Will I be able to see them in the eye ever? As I ruffled out of these questions, I was in front of my house which had the door open. I made a silent entry into the house; I could see my mother crying as she sat inside my room, holding on to my childhood picture. I was shivering as the tears kept flowing down, while I took my closing steps towards her & called out “Amma”. Her teary eyes hadn’t seen anything beautiful as this moment; son who she thought was lost had come back. Her joy was unbound, she didn’t scold me or even ask me anything, but she just pulled me close & gave me a tight hug. As I rested my head on her lap, I finally realized that it wasn’t the pillows in the sky which would make me free, but it’s the mother’s lap which makes any child feel free & loved, and I was no different.
Amma means mother in Telugu/Tamil language.
Pic Source: http://videohive.net/item/clouds-in-the-blue-sky-and-sun/10155826
It was almost night, when we decided to stop our search for clicking that perfect photo; it needed a lot of things to make it perfect, so satisfying all the criteria wasn’t easy. As we were passing through the market lane, the lights were switched on which allowed the neatly arranged bangles to shine and sparkle. The bangle market was abuzz with a lot of people and among them I found my perfect one.
As I was lazily carrying my camera, trying to focus on one of the bangle seller’s collection, someone pushed me aside as she tried making her way in front. A sudden streak of anger had burst in to my head as it took me a lot of time to adjust my lens for taking that close shot, but before I could say anything she had gone a long way ahead. I was just observing her; the anger had quickly turned into curiosity, I wanted to know how she looked. Then came the voice at that very minute, “Tara” and she turned back.
“Oh my God”, I said to myself. Continue reading Mystery eyes, shining lights, & that smile
NIT Trichy, my beloved Alma matter where I had spent my four blissful years, which has contributed significantly to who I am today. It’s not about the engineering degree which I had enrolled into and cleared out of, but it’s something more than just that.
Different cultures interfacing for the first time and thus dispelling the earlier notions or prejudices one had carried from their families and previous surroundings. But this post of mine is not related to these cultures while it is towards those places in our campus which make these cultures come close.
The first year hostels which were close to fifty years old though refurnished and remodelled with time, did share the heritage with us which comprised of many batches which had passed through. The first experience far away from home is not always that pleasant, but the experience does get milder as we make our first friends in the campus. With the free air flowing through our minds and hearts, apart from the wardens sense of humour to impose rules which are framed to be constantly broken, though the acts remain mild in demeanour.
Food remains an essentiality no matter what and the solution for the ones who hate the hostel mess lies with the famous Road side Dhabas. That has provided the much needed solace for the non-vegetarians and even a few veggies for years now. The names though weird but food remained pleasant and within budget, with the names of Bamboos, Cholas, Selvam, Sam Fox and few upcoming ones close to the college spreading like wild fire as we move across the years, but this was the scenario as in 2013. There might surely be a few new surprises in this one year or so.
Presently thinking about the then diet, I manage to keep a thought alive that how was that possible to take in so much of food without any concern for the hygiene itself. Then I find an answer in the basics of dining together, that is when you dine with 6-7 people around ,which could go on to the count of over 20 during the birthday treats and all, then the conversations act as a self-stabilizer and helps digest the excess away.
Seriousness in academics follows a cosine curve, while the seriousness in extra-curriculars’ and movies takes the form of ever rising exponential curve. As we pass through our first year, the beauty of the college fests swipes you off your feet and the enjoyment just increases. It manifolds when your best buds are the ones you are working with. Fest over fest, work over work, life only grows and grows.
But the real happiness and the real satisfaction arise when you are back at your hostel, and you never ever feel alone no matter what situation you are into. The corridor becomes a playing ground, the TV room becomes a cheering ground when India plays while a battle ground when IPL or EPL starts to play. The chatter doesn’t stop and the lights are kept on even when almost all parts of the country are far asleep. Sense of calm and far less tension prevails there, allowing the best of the minds to experiment their dreams and the rest like us to at least chatter & enjoy in happiness.
These were only a part of the much cherished memories of college life, and as the time passes by, I find myself encountering one memory over the other. Every time they leave me with a smile bigger than the one before, may be as time moves ahead we only miss the college a lot more.
Dream World ~Indeed The Virtual One.
“Love is found everywhere, we just need to wear the right glasses.”
Waiting in the balcony for the sun to graze the surface and the light getting lost in the wilderness, the wait seemed not alone as the birds chirped away which made noises that got synced with dimming light. Eyes as they followed the setting sun, only to be obstructed by a building exactly opposite to mine, there stood the person who swept me off my feet. She was so beautiful, that words might fall short to describe her. I waived at her, not knowing how i got so much of courage to even lift my hand! She seemed amused and noticed after 2-3 waives, finally responding by a delicate smile which was quite measured in intention. Having no idea what to do ahead, i tried waving again, until she disappeared in darkness. Power Cuts have become reduced, but i was really upset at that very minute, it had been only 10 minutes since i saw her. There was a sudden anxiety to see her again. Counting every second in between the disconnect, finally getting a relief after an hour when the power made its much awaited return. The disappointment of the day hadn’t ended, it just began. To my displeasure and grief, she wasn’t there.
As I lay on my bed, trying to recollect the beautiful smile which usually got mystified and the clarity always seemed lacking, the door bell rang.
It has been only two days since we moved in to the locality, the suburbs of Bangalore was a phase of refreshment away from the city sounds and pollution. I had another two weeks before i had to leave for joining the unfortunate company which i was going to be employed in. And most important, this is a dream, welcome aboard.
The office hours had seemed to get boring with the hours piling on one after the other, while i was still lost in thoughts about the mystery girl. After a while I realized, that there was a party this weekend and I have been invited which i had failed to hear due to my silly day dreams.
The place had been filled in with people and the music if played for longer than an hour might make one or two deaf for sure. In midst of everything, I sat down with a peg of vodka in my hand, which i believe was my sixth or may be seventh. So, in short was inexplicably high and there sat a girl in front who in my obvious senses i failed to recognize. She was sitting and just observing what i was upto, but in the few instance that are recorded in my head, she seemed a familiar face.
The next morning always followed with the most painful of headaches and always an owe to never drink again – a hypocritical statement. Reaching office on time seemed to be a pain but had to, at least for the salary as about the job i cared none. I never wanted to be a person stuck to his computer all day long, but being unclear about my other talents or interests had to settle with this one and also it gave me time to find the passion in life. Getting back to the day, as i was back in the office, i had found a note attached to my desk consisting of someone’s cell number. Intrigued with the number and the identity of the person, I decided to give a call but only to be unanswered.
A voice from behind, “Aakash, are you alright? You had a lot yesterday but what interested one n all was that you were having a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the party. How do you know her….” I could hardly remember anything, except the thought of her and she resembling to someone I had already seen.
The phone rang, and the same number as in the note, I picked up having a half thought resting on what happened yesterday. I almost missed the name of the other person, but caught on the last minute, Meera she said. I was confused, and replied ” Do i know you?”
Waiting at the coffee place, where every minute seemed like an hour not dying to be passed about with. Then she appeared from the door, and mind you I couldn’t take my eyes off her and kept following her until she reached the table. She sat down, and had to waive to disconnect me and speak.
“I thought you remembered me” she said. “Alcohol makes things extremely blurred and even missing from the thought of mind, I am really sorry” I said in reply. And the conversation seemed to never end, it still hasn’t.
She told me, the day we first saw each other, she had returned to balcony to find no one as we had different phases of light, one coming before the other. And the day where i was too lazy to open the door and busy day dreaming, it was she who had rung the bell. Even on the day of the party, she was about to leave when she saw me and decided to stay on.
Thinking about so many striking coincidences, we may wonder whether these things do happen in reality. I had already told you guys the most important thing, Its a dream and you all are already aboard. So to see what is in store in reality, people please wake up 🙂